The Insolence of Condensation

By Maggie Rascal

Don’t even think of showing me any condensation about spurious punctuation, rampant malapropisms, or the shallowness of boasting about deep thoughts…

condensation-condescension

Condensation is upfronting to a deep thinker like me.

Sitting in my bed on a cold rainy night, irked at an uppity bitch who says my writing is ‘confused’ and my punctuation made up,-x*€;>
Her condensation1 upfronts2 me. As my work is too deep to be judged by convectional3 standards.

Mumbo jumbo, gobbledygook, Beelzebub and rhubarb. With other deep thoughts running through my mind,-x*€;>
Waiting for the acolytes4 to pour in. As they will. From those smart enough to get it.

Drifting off to sleep, wandering5 just how many appropriate6 my incredulous7 deepness. While my thoughts are deeply deep,-x*€;>
Thinking deep thoughts about deepness and thoughts. And condensation.


1 condescension
2 affronts
3 conventional
4 accolades
5 wondering
6 appreciate
7 incredible

* * *
© 2015 by M.P. Witwer • All rights deeply preserved

‘Grumpy Old Menopause’ Wins People’s Book Prize

grumpyoldmenopauseWe at Select Stories are thrilled that “Grumpy Old Menopause” by Carol E. Wyer won The People’s Book Prize for nonfiction. Congratulations to Carol, whose “How Not to Murder Your Grumpy” was runner-up in last year’s balloting for the prestigious honor.

You can find Carol’s unique brand of humor in “Milly’s Magical Moment,” one of her early short stories posted here on Select Stories.

The Barefoot Boy

barefoot1A cautionary tale…

By Bill Fullerton

Over on a web site for the blind I often infest, someone said the first day of May, in addition to being May Day and Beltane, had also been something called ‘Barefoot Day’. To this I felt compelled to reply as follows, sort of:

As for that info about May 1st also being ‘Barefoot Day’, well, let’s just say I’ve been there, done that, stepped in sticker beds, into piles of chicken shit (being three at the time I reportedly called it “chicky doo-doo”), and onto sweet gum balls (like small mace heads) plus the occasional bit of hot paving tar, broken glass shards, the odd rusty can or nail, not to mention a sharp, pointed rock or two hiding in some weeds.

That’s why, having somehow managed to reach the prime of my mid-dotage, except for my bed and bath, I always wear shoes.

Of course, I’m sure none of the cultured, sophisticated Select Stories readers ever had any similar childhood/hippie/absent-minded barefooting experiences, right?

Now here’s what Paul Harvey would call, “The rest of the story,” about a close encounter of the worst kind between my bare foot and a pile of chicken manure. Continue reading

Storybook Lovers

storybook-loversBy Steffanie

So few words, for so much passion ….

My storybook lover is romantic, he would never hurry his sweetheart in a love scene, but tonight I want him to…

“Make love to me, darling. In one hundred words or less.”

“Micro fiction?”

“Yes.”

“Get your skirt off then.”

I begin slowly undoing the buttons on my…

“Just do it, don’t describe it.”

“It has to be sexy.”

“But you’re using all the words up!”

“Don’t shout at me.”

“Sorry, sweetie.”

Silence.

More silence.

“We’ve still got twenty words left.”

“We could have a…”

“Sssh, no dialogue, no description.”

“OK. Shall we?”

“Oh yes.”

Mmm… one hundred words.

Perfect.

* * *
© 2013 by Steffanie • All rights reserved

Book Brief: ‘Lost and Found’

“Lost and Found” (the second installment of the Short Tales series launched with “Writer’s Block“) is published in ebook format by Select Stories. The story is an affectionate look at a few of the pitfalls and mishaps faced by Jane and Martin, a couple navigating a new romance. Both have past histories: love, loss and unforeseen changes, but through everything, they’ve been bolstered by their dog and cat, companions as devoted to each other as they are to their people. The appearance of a vindictive ex serves to catapult the two-legged protagonists into action, spurred on by an unexpected development.

Title: Lost and Found: A Short Tale of Dogged Determination
Author: M.P. Witwer
Length: Approximately 2,300 words

Available at Amazon.com Kindle Store (as well as all international Amazon sites) and for free at Barnes & Noble Nook Books, Kobo, iBooks and Smashwords, and with subscription at Scribd.