Better Than You

snobMost of us run into folks like this along life’s journey. They’re especially prevalent online.

By Maggie Rascal

Hello, I’m new here,
And I’m better than you:
Smarter – kindlier –
Much cleverer too!

You’re stupid – you’re snooty –
You’re unworthy of my precious time.
As for me, it’s plain to see
I’m magnificent and sublime!

While I am Secretariat,
Or perhaps Seattle Slew,
The rest of you, a sorry lot,
Are destined to become glue.

This may seem rather blunt,
But that’s just how I am.
If my directness hurts you,
Frankly, I don’t give a damn.

Please do not advise me
To better communicate.
I’m quite capable in that regard;
My intent is to berate.

By laying out these facts,
I don’t mean to be unkind.
My superiority, once accepted,
Is a comfort, you will find.

Indeed, what I am doing
Should be welcomed by you all.
In pointing out your shortcomings,
I’m cushioning the fall.

Alas, a point of verity:
No one else is very bright.
It’s best to just acknowledge
That I am always right!

My logic is impeccable,
My thought processes grand.
Differing with me is clear proof
That you don’t understand.

So I’ll explain once again
(Since you’re all somewhat slow):
What I speak is the truth,
Because I say so.

Your views might be of value
If they jelled with my opinions.
Though challenges don’t suit me,
I always welcome minions.

Yet by small-minded drudges,
I’ve been taunted and eschewed,
For showing the stupendousness
With which I am imbued.

I simply cannot fathom
Why so many do not like me.
I’ve announced that I am fabulous—
How could you disagree?

You’re all too far beneath me;
I need a brief reprieve.
Climbing back aboard my high horse,
I’ll take my humble leave.

* * *
© 2013 by M.P. Witwer. All rights reserved.

 
 

Ode to a Volunteer Editor

I posted something in a forum and received the following message from a well-intentioned friend:

“You used ‘precious’ twice, however, and made a typo in ‘perceive’ in the third paragraph.

It’s a good thing you have a volunteer editor to point out these things, isn’t it?

Sincerely, your own volunteer editor, Ms. Maggie”

Yes!

A volunteer editor
I must confess,

Fills me with
trepidation,
consternation,
anticipation,
And distress.

With each breath I take –

Admit it, you thought I’d say ‘inhalation’
just to continue the rhyme scheme
interrupted above.

To recapitulate in haste,
With each breath I take,
I shiver in shame
to discover yet another
spelling error that’s lame.

Indulge me my dears,
My span is not tempered,
But each effort to rhyme here
Clearly shows I should have signed off some time ago.

***

With my most sincere thanks and gratitude to my dear friend Ms. Maggie; where would I be without you?

***

© 2011  All rights reserved.

26 letters cat